The Thing About Guys Like Me
by persephone2
Summary: Josh has some startling revelations about himself and Donna after his first meeting with Amy Gardner


Author: Jane Morrison  
E-mail address: LUCKYJ50 @aol.com  
Title: The Thing About Guys Like Me  
Character: Josh/Donna  
Category: Post-Ep for Women of Qumar  
Pairing: Josh/Donna  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary:Josh has some startling revelations after his meeting with Amy Gardner  
"The Thing About Guys Like Me"  
  
Are you dating your assistant, she asks? I heard you were, she says. She's cute, she says. The thing about guys like you, she says, is...you want to be hit over the head. Now, what the hell does that mean? Why would anyone want to be hit over the head for any reason? She's making no sense, but then she rarely does, even though she does look kind of cute doing it. Not cute like Donna, mind you. But then Donna isn't really what I'd call cute. She's so much more than that. Donna is all about perfection. She's all about smooth, pale skin, long blonde hair, and those long, beautiful legs I love to watch when she walks away from me. She's really quite beautiful. I've never told her that. Oh, sure I've told her she looks nice, but I've never told her how really beautiful she is to me. Maybe I should.   
  
Ah, but I digress. This is about Amy. I mean, Amy is the one saying all these things to me and I'm not really following where she's headed, if anywhere. I need to get out of here; I don't really want to be having this conversation with Amy. See, the thing is, I don't want her to be interested in me. It would be awkward, you know, because I'm not interested in her. Not in *that way* anyway. I mean, we've known each other for a long time, but we've always been just friends, and I prefer to keep it that way. "Special J" she calls me. Don't even bother asking me what that means, because I have no idea. I'm totally baffled by her, and did I mention that the artwork in her office just scares the shit out of me? And don't ask me why, but I really want to see Donna. In fact, I really *need* to see Donna right now. Maybe because she makes sense when she talks to me. Well, most of the time anyway. Oh, okay, hardly ever. But even when she doesn't make sense I don't care.  
  
I have to go, I tell Amy, as I get up from my chair. I'm outside on the sidewalk when she throws this water balloon out the window at me. Maturity isn't one of her strong traits. Well, I guess you might argue that it isn't one of mine either. Anyway, she does not, much to her chagrin I'm sure, *hit me in the head* with the water balloon. I hastily hail a cab to get the hell away from her and back to the safety of my office and Donna, the sane one.   
  
So. Anyway. I'm sitting in my office now, staring out the window, thinking about what Amy said and I've come up with a few things. The *thing* about guys like me is that we're terrified of relationships. Well, at least I am. I don't know if I should speak for all guys. Okay, so now that I've actually admitted it, maybe I should get some counseling and try to find out why. Maybe I have abandonment issues. Here's what makes me think this. I know for a fact that if, say, Donna Moss and I were to enter into a *relationship* (and this is strictly hypothetically speaking, mind you) and she left me, I'd be heartbroken. And I mean the crawling-on-the-floor-unable-to-function kind of heartbroken. The pain would be so unbearable I don't think I'd be able to recover from it. I don't deal well with loss, you know. See, while I need to be needed, and loved, just like anyone else, I'm also terrified of making a commitment to someone who might just end up leaving me. Besides, it just gets way too complicated when you start mixing your life up with someone else's.   
  
Still, it would be nice to have someone to go home to (or *with* as the case would be with Donna, you know, *if* we were in a relationship, which we aren't.) It would be nice to have someone to cuddle up with on the couch after a long day, someone I'd be comfortable enough with that we wouldn't have to talk. We could just *be. God, that would be great. I can almost see us (Donna and me that is) lying together on the couch, all warm and cuddly, wrapped up in each other's arms, maybe we're even kissing....  
  
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell am I thinking? Donna is my assistant for crying out loud. My assistant. I can't be having these thoughts about my assistant, can I? I mean, can I? Ha. Who am I kidding? Not only can I, I *am*. And have. Many times. I can't even tell you how many times I've found myself daydreaming about her, sometimes at the most inappropriate times. Those daydreams usually involve the above mentioned cuddling and kissing, and other various scenarios. I can't even begin to imagine what she would think if she knew about those daydreams. She'd probably be so freaked out she'd run screaming from the building. Although sometimes I see something in her eyes that I can't define. I think she kind of likes me, even if I am a totally self-absorbed ass most of the time. And she *gets* me, like no one in my life ever has before.   
  
So, I haven't seen Donna yet, and I'm sitting with my back to the door reading through some reports, the words of which aren't really registering with me, because for some reason, right now all I can really think about is cuddling up with her on her couch. All of a sudden I feel something hit the back of my head. I look around, but I don't see anything. It better not be Amy with that god damned water balloon again. Actually it feels a lot more subtle than the water balloon. I have no idea what it is. I yell to Donna to get in here right away even though I have no idea where she is. She comes in immediately, like she's been standing in my doorway the whole time.  
  
I turn around to face her, but I don't actually look at her. I've been having these thoughts about her and I don't want her to know. "Where have you been?"  
  
"Around."  
  
"Did you just throw something at me?"  
  
"Me, throw something?" She looks incredibly innocent, which I'm sure she's not. "Nope, it wasn't me. And I didn't see anyone else around."  
  
"Are you sure? Cause I definitely felt something."  
  
"I think you're imagining things." She turns to walk out of my office, but then comes back. "Josh?"  
  
"Yea?"   
  
"How'd it go with Amy?"  
  
"She was Interesting."  
  
"Interesting or *interested*?"  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"Are you dating her?"  
  
"What? No!"  
  
"I heard you were."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"She's cute."  
  
"Donna, is this really happening? I mean, are we really having this conversation or is this some kind of weird dream I'm having?"  
  
"We're really here, Josh. It's not a dream. Why do you ask?"  
  
I run my hand through my hair. "Never mind."  
  
Her eyebrows furrow as she looks at me. "Are you all right?"  
  
I shrug. Cause ya know, I'm not real sure at this point.  
  
I look past her and see Sam heading for my office as Donna slips out and goes back to her desk.  
  
"Hey, Josh. I hear you have a date with Amy Gardner tonight."  
  
I do?   
  
"I do? Where did you hear that?"  
  
"Donna told me. She said you were dating her."  
  
"Okay. Sam. Listen to me and repeat after me. Josh is not now, nor has he ever, nor does he ever intend to date Amy Gardner."   
  
"Hmph. That's not what I heard."  
  
"You must have misunderstood her, Sam. She was just in here asking me herself if I was dating her."  
  
"And are you?"  
  
"Am I sure she was just in here? YES!! You passed her on your way in."  
  
"No, I mean are you sure you aren't dating Amy?"  
  
"NO! I'm not dating Amy Gardner. I just told you that. And I told Donna that."  
  
"Whatever." He turns and walks away from my office.  
  
"Donna!!"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Lyman."  
  
"Oh, Mr. Lyman is it now?"  
  
Now it's her turn to shrug.   
  
"Did you tell Sam was dating Amy?"  
  
"No. I mean yes. I mean, I might have mentioned that you were going over there and I might have said it was a date. But I was kidding Josh. Kidding. Although I do think you have a *thing* for her."  
  
"I do not have a *thing* for her. I don't."  
  
"Okay, if you say so. But I think you're in denial. I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want something?"  
  
"No. Why don't you just go on home? It's late."  
  
"Okay, if you're sure."   
  
She turns to make a hasty retreat and after a few minutes I get up and go stand in the doorway of my office. I watch her turn off her computer and gather her things before I speak.  
  
"Donna, wait."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why don't we go somewhere and get something to eat together."  
  
"Together? As in you and me? I mean, where?"  
  
"You pick. Dress up. I'll pick you up at 7:30."  
  
She considers this. "Josh, are you asking me out on a date?"  
  
I smile. It sure seems that way doesn't it? "Yea, I am. So? Are we on?"  
  
She contemplates this for a moment and smiles back at me. "Yea. We are."  
  
~~~~  
8:00 P.M.  
  
"You're late, " she says as she opens the door.  
  
My God. She takes my breath away. She's wearing this short black slip of a dress, low cut in the front, some strappy little black heels, both of which make her legs seem to go on forever. I've never seen her in anything quite like this and I'm rendered speechless. I continue to stare at her. I think my mouth is probably hanging open. In fact I know it is.  
  
"Joshua?"  
  
My voice comes out in a whisper. "Donna. Wow. I mean, WOW."  
  
Her face lights up and she smiles. "Can I take that to mean you like my dress?"  
  
"Ah, yea. You could take it to mean that. You look...God, you look so beautiful."   
  
She looks down briefly; I think she's blushing. I fight to regain my own composure. "So, um, where are we going? Do we have reservations?"  
  
"We do. It's a quaint, cozy, little place you might know. You've been there a time or two I think. And I'm pretty sure they'll held the reservation for us."  
  
"Good food?"  
  
"The best. Come with me."  
  
I look at her questioningly as she takes my hand in hers and I feel this electrical shock run through me. She leads me to the small dining room in her apartment where she's laid out an exquisite table for two, complete with candles, wine chilling, and soft music playing.  
  
"Donna?"  
  
"Is this okay? I mean, do you mind that we're not going out? I didn't actually cook because there wasn't time, but I picked up some of your favorite Chinese food. Is that okay?"  
  
"Is it okay? Donna. It's perfect, it's wonderful."  
  
My head is swimming. I mean, this is something we've never done. We've never had a nice quiet, private dinner in her apartment with my favorite food. And certainly not with Donna looking so beautiful. Does life get any better than this?   
  
I sit down at the table as she pours my wine. Her hand brushes mine slightly as she hands me my glass and she leaves it there as our eyes meet. And suddenly it's all so clear. This is what Amy meant about being hit in the head. Cause I gotta tell ya, my head feels really, really strange right about now, like I've just been hit by something really powerful. A lot more powerful than that ridiculous water balloon I might add. And I have a feeling this is the same thing that hit me in my office. Not something tangible, mind you, but something very, very real. All I can say is that it all feels good. Really, really good. And you know what? Maybe commitment isn't such a bad thing after all. Maybe I should start thinking more seriously about that word and what it really means. Although I think I pretty much have it figured out, cause right here and right now, from where I'm sitting, it means only one thing: It means Donnatella Moss.  
  
And here's another *thing* about guys like me. Well, again, maybe I shouldn't speak for other guys. I'll just speak for myself. I can't wait for dinner to be over so I can open my fortune cookie and read what's in my future.  
  
The end 


End file.
